Control

I’m leaving for college in four days. Four days to go and start my new life but I’m tethered to my old one with a ball and chain. I’m in a relationship with a man I don’t want to leave. I’m declaring a major that isn’t mine. I’m fulfilling the wishes of my parents. I’m crying as I write this.

Someone special once told me that you can control everything in your life as long as you are willing to live with all good and bad consequences.

I could change my major if I was willing to be disowned by my family

I could deny the wishes of my parents if I was willing to entertain their wrath

I could try and stay with the man if I was willing to accept the possibility of the relationship ending all together

I could stop crying and fix my life if I was willing to face all those consequences

I’m not ready for all of those consequences so I will continue to be unhappy. Nobody said life was easy. Nobody said it was easy for those of us trying to please everyone and neglect ourselves. That isn’t how you live the life you want. I know this, but will I have the strength the fix it?