Honestly, when you asked us to write this letter to you I was kind of at a loss for what I could say. You said we were all hiding away in separate closets and we weren’t “there”, we went off a hid somewhere and you wanted us back.
Well to be honest I had no idea what you were talking about at least when it came to myself. I really wasn’t playing in the games and I thought I was pushing myself in practice. Both you and Dub had said I was working hard and to just keep that up. And I had come into this season realizing I had a lot of work ahead of me to keep up with Madison and Catie so I knew what I needed to do.
But after a lot of reflection (thats why this took so long, I apologize) I realized that I was making excuses for myself. If I found myself having a bad practice I would blame it on my lack of experience or my bad high school experience or my lack of a quality coach in high school. I would blame my fitness on bad genetics. My dad says all the time that none of us are either fast or have endurance so after a while I let that become a mantra.
I also let myself be a follower. Everyone else was hiding away in their closets so I let myself do the same thing. If the older girls weren’t pushing themselves in practice, I wouldn’t either. Or even if Madison was in a bad mood I would let that spread to me. But especially if I saw the juniors or seniors taking it easy, I wouldn’t push myself as hard. I understand the older girls are supposed to be leaders but if they aren’t being good leaders, I shouldn’t follow them.
I need to stop making excuses for myself. I’m the only thing holding myself back. It isn’t bad genetics or bad experiences or crappy past coaches. The only that matters is what is happening now.
One thing that you and Coach Dub said about me is that you liked my character. I need to let the character I show you on the sidelines seep into all facets of myself, from practice to workouts to games. I need to make sure I am always doing my best and pushing myself to do better.
Now that I have made all of these realizations, its going to be harder for me to go back into that closet. I don’t like to regress. I want to learn all the time and keep learning. It is going to be easier for me to know when I am making excuses. I need to be more independent when it comes to my psyche on the field and really focus on my mental game as well as my technical game.
Lastly I just wanted to say thank you. You care about this team and about us as players a lot. I haven’t really had a coach like this before. My travel team coach was like this but I didn’t have as much interactions with her after the one season. So I just wanted to thank you for actually caring and putting your heart and soul into this team. I know what it’s like being a coach and all you do for the team. My mom started my schools field hockey team and you have to constantly be a coach, 24/7. You guys watch game film and other teams and look for new drills and plays and make plans for our team as well as recruiting and fundraising. I know there is so much that goes into your job so I just wanted to thank you for going that extra mile and really caring a lot. Because I know what it feels like to have a coach give up on a team.