My Realization

Before I begin, I want to let you know that I watch a TON of Sex and the City and this is where this stems from:

 

I have just realized, that I am Mr. Big from Sex and the City. I am Mr. Big. I always though I was Carrie or Miranda, but nope! i am Mr Big. I’m not quick with the “I love you” saying, I don’t like when people leave stuff in my house or dorm, I don’t always factor a significant other into my decision making…. I live mainly for myself and fit in my SO when I can.

This is not what I expected, it was like and out of body experience! It was like “WHAM, HELLO!” I’m not really sure if this is good or bad or if I need to change or what… 

I do know that I’m tired of getting into petty arguments day after day with my long distance guy….

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Winter Session Class

So I decided to come back for winter session which was an AWESOME decision! I’m taking a class called Radicalism, Terrorism and Violence in America. This amazing professor, Dr. M, is teaching it and I am in love. WIth the class that is…. and maybe him. JUST KIDDING, no. That is so wrong! But he is a really awesome teacher with really awesome ideas and stimulates the class to try and come up with their own. Plus he has a beard, plays the banjo and like the appalachians… yeah this prof. is a keeper! This just might be the stepping stone to break it to my parents that I am not doing biology anymore…. Thank you Dr. M!!!

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Winter Break/Winter Session

I havent posted since the end of first semester mostly because I didn’t have my computer and I didn’t have access to the internet for half of it!

But Winter break was AWESOME, for the most part I guess…? It was pretty decent, I got to see friends and family but leave before we starting wringing each others necks. I also got to go to one of my favorite vacation spots in the USA: Herrington Manor State Park in Garrett County MD. They have awesome cabins built by the CCC during the New Deal Era. They are so cute and the area is so picturesque with snow and beautiful, tall pine trees! We went sledding and snow shoeing and to an amazing little dive called The Purple Fiddle in Thomas, WV. The food is amazing and they have live music almost every night. Its a win-win and only about 45 minutes from the cabins! Its one of my favorite places to vacation and I can’t wait until I can go back!

Something else interesting happened over break….. I started to talk to someone from high school (not marco). He randomly messaged me on Facebook and we just started talking and then we exchanged numbers and started texting and we even hung out a couple of times. But then I had to go back to school…. which sucks because we both like each other and I’m 4 hours away. And this isn’t just a one night stand that I kinda like and maybe will text me when he thinks about me. No sirreee he always wants to talk and see how my day is going as stuff like that. Its actually really sweet. Its been too long since I’ve had a relationship like that. Like three years? I am waaaay out of practice. And because its so new and the distance is pretty far, we’ve had some issues. He gets jealous of my friends sometimes because he can’t see me, which is understandable. And I don’t make it any better by sometimes forgetting about my phone.

If anyone out there has any long distance relationship advice, please comment!!

Until next time…

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End of my First Semester!!

Soooooooo I didn’t die!! College didn’t kill me although I swear, Chemistry came pretty close to making me want to dive into a pool of hydrochloric acid. But I survived!

Taking Intro to Bio, Intro to Chem and Calculus 1 was NOT one of my brightest ideas. I did make an epic scale model of a set for my theatre class. When I walked into that room to present and looked around. Mine looked like a college student had made it and EVERYBODY else look like they might have possibly failed the second grade. It was such a win for my self esteem!

But Chemistry was freaking me out. I swear that I was going o fail but I think they made the final super easy so hopefully I got a B which would help my GPA and make sure I keep my scholarship so I can keep attending the *wonderful* school that I am at.

Sometimes I wish that I could just do this whole school process over again. I wish that I hadn’t agreed to play lacrosse. I wish I had insisted on doing theatre. I wish I had the balls to tell my parents that I am probably going to apply to stage management grad school so I might as well get a business.psychology degree…. I will elaborate on that later when I am not half asleep…

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I love you

Those words trouble me.

They scare me.

They make me sweat.

They make me worry.

They imply obligation

A commitment.

They imply strong feelings.

But what if those feelings aren’t romantic? What if you just care about someone deeply? Is it still all right to use them?

How about if you are sexually involved with someone but not romantically? Can you still say those words, are you allowed to use them?

I don’t want him to use them. I don’t want him to call me sweetheart or babe. We are not romantically involved and I understand that, but we used to be. And I saw that as something special. Maybe I wasn’t as special as some of those other ones you still mention on twitter or tumblr. But I was still special. I am still special. Maybe not to you but to someone, I am. I just haven’t found that someone yet.

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From Cory to Emmanuel

My Halloween was rough. R  O U G H. I am not quite sure what was running through my mind actually. I do know I told the story of my unfortunate blackout, which was Cory, but I have yet to mention Emmanuel. Emmanuel is the brother of a friend of mine here and he is super attractive and smart and he’s in the Coast Guard (love me some men in uniforms!!). SO he and I have been talking lately and I don’t know… I really like this kid but he is a junior in college and he is already doing active duty stuff for the Coast Guard and it would be like a medium distance relationship….

I don’t I am just really apprehensive about this  and just relationships in general and he is moving WAY fast. I just wanna be like “slow your roll, turbo!” I don’t do well with clingy people. I don’t like super cutesy, clingy relationships.I have been my own person for far too long to suddenly be so dependent on ONE person. I am dependent on myself. I do my own laundry and buy my own clothes and live a very independent life. I don’t know how I feel about someone suddenly depending on me. I feel like Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City when she didn’t want to marry Aiden…. I just don’t know what to do with another person in my life!!

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Cory… Bootcamp Boy

So I posted ‘my chronic illness’ without saying anything about Cory. Cory was the friend of my friend’s boyfriend. He’s from a small town and is a trull charming guy. Kinda talks like the kid from Fast and Furious 3, but I digress. He came down for the weekend and RJ had just been like “see ya later” so I was like, “he’s cute, this is nice!” So Friday night was fun and innocent. Saturday rolls around and I get drunk off my ass. I mean, blackout drunk I can’t remember ANYTHING. So from piecing together stories from the next day, I find out that after I had blacked out, and I mean literally MINUTES after my memory is gone, I went over and just made out with Cory, just on a couch in front of ALL the people… Yeah. And then we were fooling around upstairs aaaaand then I puke… super awesome! So that was the weekend. But I get Cory’s number after I leave and I apologize and we start flirting and blah blah. Well he wanted to come again next weekend and see me. Again. At the time I was feeling it so I said yeah. I kind of figured he wanted the V because the kid was shipping off to BOOTCAMP in a month…. hence the bad timing? And I was kind of like yeah, sure why not? Well he gets here and we’re hanging out and something is wrong. Something does not feel right. I couldn’t put my finger on it but it was just wrong. So in the middle of making out (which unfortunately he was AWFUL at) he’s about to take off my shirt and I just go “No I can’t.”

Now honestly, that surprised me. But I went with it I said I didn’t want to have sex with him because I honest to God didn’t. Something felt wrong and I know now I did the right thing.

I guess the moral of this post is: If it feels wrong, its okay to say no. Don’t feel bad. Even if people harp on you or yell at you about it, you did what was right for you.

Plus a man should not drive 3 hours just to visit a girl for sex. Just saying…

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